Tuesday, September 27, 2005

A changed woman

It's difficult to put into words everything I've been through since I left on Septembe 16th. The adventure started on the leg between Houston and Belize, where I sat in front of George Saunders and began to speak with him.
I've journaled every day but I'm still working on them, sorting through the adventures and trying to recall every moment, every conversation, every amazing tidbit of knowledge. I'll be posting them here hopefully tomorrow.

In the meantime, I think the hardest thing is coming home and coming back to reality. After spending seven days with a group that was hand picked to come together as a group and support one another and learn from one another, not because our writing was the best necessarily but because we all held the same goals and desires, to then come back to school and be hit with the grind again being surrounded really by people that just don't care. That's harsh, I know, but I know that almost everyone sees it as a vaction, as me taking time off. They couldn't be futher from the truth and I feel sorry that they can't look beyond that to see that I've changed. I am a different person now than I was two weeks ago, and people who are my friends will see it, Erica I know will, Jessie will, my writing friends obviously will....but many of my coworkers are so shortsighted that they just won't even bother to see.

I'm really struggling with how to put everything into words. It was unquestionably an amazing, life changing experience. That belittles it. It was so much more than what I had imagined, hoped, dreamed, wished for. And the fact that it was in Belize was only icing on the cake. Belize was a kick ass setting, but it was the people, the writers, Charlie, George and Michael, that made me different.

More to follow.......


kim said...

there better be more, I can only hold my breath so long before I turn blue, and that wouldn't be pretty. and Yes I can see how this experience can alter your life in the most marvelous way! I'm eager to hear more!

Gary LaPointe said...

Sounds wonderful! :)

It's hard to make people understand sometimes (especially when they don't have anything to compare it to).

Looking forward to seeing your other Journal entries.


Jess said...

I remember you telling me that people wouldn't understand. Something that personal...well, it doesn't have to be shared, you realize that, right? The people who know you will understand the wordlessness, believe me. Life altering situations aren't necessarily meant to be understood by others, they're life changing to you.

Oh, and by the way, screw anyone who thinks you went on vacation. You jumped off a cliff for Christ's sake, that's not a day at the spa!

Let me say again how proud I am of you that you went. I wouldn't have forgiven you if you hadn't. (Well I would have, but then I would have also had to listen to you say...'I should have gone, I should have gone.') ;)

Share what you want, keep the rest to yourself. It's between you and the writing/ocean/beach/short story gods.

I'm glad you're back! Love and miss you!

Patricia said...

Hey honey, just catching up with you, I'm so happy for you that you did this, go back and read the thread from the night before you are changed, I don't want to say for the better, cuz I think you're wonderful no matter what, I think it's that you see how wonderful you are for yourself now...and that's the main thing ..xoxoxoxoxo