Wednesday, November 04, 2009
Welcome to November!
So, this is totally selfish, but I'm going to say it anyway. There are a lot of people in my surroundings who are going through a lot of icky crap. I am happy--thrilled, even--to not be one of them. Does that make me selfish? Bitchy? Maybe...but not really. See, I'm not enjoying anyone's ill fortune--that would make me bitchy. Rather, I'm just reveling in the fact that my life is, right now, pretty damn good. So far, November is kickin'. Even though I'm not doing Nanowrimo, which I should be doing.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Whooohoooo--I'm online, baby!
The editors of Bellevue Literary Review chose my story for one of the selections listed on their website!! Yippee!!! And, I'm the first listed! :-) Yeah, I'm giddy, and I have no idea how they choose the stories but I consider it the absolute highest compliment *ever* that they put me as one of the selections.
Check out my story HERE!!
And then, when you've loved my story, go out and buy the journal and read the rest of the works, both because it's a fabulous issue and because it's totally cool to support literary journals.
Check out my story HERE!!
And then, when you've loved my story, go out and buy the journal and read the rest of the works, both because it's a fabulous issue and because it's totally cool to support literary journals.
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Ohhhhh, ohhhh I'm still alive...like Pearl Jam
So, I've had a lot of death going on this week. Well...not really this week so much as yesterday. I got the double whammy yesterday when I lost two people who mattered to me. The first, my grandma, passed away at about 2:30am Tuesday morning. We'd expected it, but only since Saturday. At some point I'll talk about my experience with "saying goodbye" and "giving permission" to die...but that's not this post.
The second person actually died back in June, but I didn't find out until yesterday afternoon. Already raw from my Gram's death, when I opened the casual email from the St. Olaf education department asking for my deets so they could update their database and read their announcement of "oh, by the way, Mark Schelske died", all I could do was drop my jaw and stare at the screen. Again, at some point I'll talk about Mark and what he meant to me personally and professionally, but this is not that post.
Whenever someone dies, I become an insomniac. And not a tired insomniac, but a fully energized, no concept of time insomniac. Last night when I cracked open a diet coke and sat down to read and waste time on Facebook, it didn't even occur to me to look at the clock until the Golden Girls was over and Cheers had begun. It was 1am.
It's like I want to take over the living for those who have died. Or, like I suddenly get a shot of the reality of how little time we actually have on this Earth. Sleeping isn't a waste of time, of course, but when it's compared to death, well, I guess I feel like doing anything is better than sleeping or dying. And I wonder if the two are so connected in my head that, especially when I'm presented with death smack-dab in the face as I was yesterday, maybe I kind of feel like if I go to sleep I'm dying a little as I go.
Either way, I'm not happy to have lost two people I care about. And I'm not happy to not be sleeping (even though it's more or less my choice--I probably *could* sleep if I, you know, went to bed). So, right now, this girl isn't happy.
The second person actually died back in June, but I didn't find out until yesterday afternoon. Already raw from my Gram's death, when I opened the casual email from the St. Olaf education department asking for my deets so they could update their database and read their announcement of "oh, by the way, Mark Schelske died", all I could do was drop my jaw and stare at the screen. Again, at some point I'll talk about Mark and what he meant to me personally and professionally, but this is not that post.
Whenever someone dies, I become an insomniac. And not a tired insomniac, but a fully energized, no concept of time insomniac. Last night when I cracked open a diet coke and sat down to read and waste time on Facebook, it didn't even occur to me to look at the clock until the Golden Girls was over and Cheers had begun. It was 1am.
It's like I want to take over the living for those who have died. Or, like I suddenly get a shot of the reality of how little time we actually have on this Earth. Sleeping isn't a waste of time, of course, but when it's compared to death, well, I guess I feel like doing anything is better than sleeping or dying. And I wonder if the two are so connected in my head that, especially when I'm presented with death smack-dab in the face as I was yesterday, maybe I kind of feel like if I go to sleep I'm dying a little as I go.
Either way, I'm not happy to have lost two people I care about. And I'm not happy to not be sleeping (even though it's more or less my choice--I probably *could* sleep if I, you know, went to bed). So, right now, this girl isn't happy.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
I think it's more "loving what you do."
When I decided I wanted to leave teaching and become a funeral director, I got through the initial classes quickly, but then began to drag my feet. Because deep in my heart (and on the lips of almost everyone around me) I am a teacher. Though I may not always love teaching English, or high school, as a concept, I love to teach. And I was trying to ignore that I'd miss it, but my heart knew better.
When I became a yoga instructor, I figured I'd have the best of all worlds. I could stay a teacher but leave teaching high school English, a job often far more soul-sucking than rewarding. Plus, that adage of "Do what you love" kept dancing around in my head. Getting paid to do yoga--to teach yoga--seemed ideal.
But, I forgot about the special kind of yuck that happens when you take something you love to do and turn it into a job. I should have known--the first thing that went out the window when I became an English teacher was reading for pleasure. So, it's not much of a surprise that now that I'm teaching yoga, my practice has all but disappeared. I used to practice 5-9 times a week. Now I practice once. Tops.
So, I think it's not "do what you love" so much as "love what you do"--the oft-quoted counterpart to that familiar adage. It's a dangerous business to take your passions and turn them into work...more likely than not you'll end up with more work and fewer passions. Far better to take something that you do and learn to love it. Find the joy in how 8+ hours of the day are spent...even if it's not necessarily what you would choose to do. And, if it is, if you're one of the lucky ones, appreciate that all the more.
When I became a yoga instructor, I figured I'd have the best of all worlds. I could stay a teacher but leave teaching high school English, a job often far more soul-sucking than rewarding. Plus, that adage of "Do what you love" kept dancing around in my head. Getting paid to do yoga--to teach yoga--seemed ideal.
But, I forgot about the special kind of yuck that happens when you take something you love to do and turn it into a job. I should have known--the first thing that went out the window when I became an English teacher was reading for pleasure. So, it's not much of a surprise that now that I'm teaching yoga, my practice has all but disappeared. I used to practice 5-9 times a week. Now I practice once. Tops.
So, I think it's not "do what you love" so much as "love what you do"--the oft-quoted counterpart to that familiar adage. It's a dangerous business to take your passions and turn them into work...more likely than not you'll end up with more work and fewer passions. Far better to take something that you do and learn to love it. Find the joy in how 8+ hours of the day are spent...even if it's not necessarily what you would choose to do. And, if it is, if you're one of the lucky ones, appreciate that all the more.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
It's official!
"To The River" has been introduced to the world. My baby, which began as a writing exercise in a writing group, has gone through its paces and is now primed and ready to meet you, dear reader. I am so, so proud of myself, and so, so thankful to ALL of the people that had a hand in this story coming to fruition.
Bellevue Literary Review, Fall 2009
This image took just over five years to create. Pretty, isn't it?
Bellevue Literary Review, Fall 2009
This image took just over five years to create. Pretty, isn't it?
Saturday, September 12, 2009
End of week 1, a check in on "the list"
Last week, as I approached the beginning of a new school year, I made "the list"--a promise to myself to have a good year and a list of ways to make that happen. So, how did I do this week?
1. I will take care of my body. I will eat nutritionally and go to bed at a reasonable hour. I will not take naps, rather I’ll do energizing activities like cleaning or walking or running.
I didn't eat out even once this week. Well, I did tonight, but it's Saturday. I only ate breakfast once and my dinners were pretty unbalanced, but I think I did a good job with lunch. I avoided the cafeteria and ate every day. I need to work on my diet coke consumption (less of it) and on the going to bed part. I didn't take any naps--but I need to go to bed earlier. I went to bed between 10pm and midnight, and I definitely noticed that I was more tired the later I went to bed.
2. I will manage my time. My time is precious, and I shouldn’t waste it. I need to use it doing activities that I enjoy and that help me relax. And I need to remember that Facebook and computer games are nice but they aren’t mentally stimulating or a good use of time. I will limit my use of the computer games.
Um...I'm overextended. You knew this. Everyone knows this except me (but I do know it, I just don't like thinking about it). Teaching 5 yoga classes a week, teaching high school full time, taking a college class...and trying to eat, sleep, and exercise is a LOT. I'm starting to think about some choices I'll need to make soon--what I can let go. But, this week I did a pretty good job with staying off of the computer games and keeping my TV off when I'm supposed to be sleeping. I'm taking steps in the right direction.
3. I will continue a regular yoga practice. I will practice 2-3 times a week, balancing C1 and C2 classes, as well as my class at Sigh.
This one is tough. I'm doing 2 classes a week, max, because that's all I have time for. And they're C2s. I took a C1 today as part of yogi training and I was reminded how much I absolutely *love* taking the C1s. I also need to pull back on "donating" my time to CorePower. I love to help out--I do--and when I'm asked by Lisa or other teachers to assist with training programs or classes, my first instinct is to say "absolutely!" because I'm so thankful for all they did for me and I want to give back. But, I can't get into a position where I'm donating more time than I can afford. I'll get back to Sigh when yogi training is over.
4. I will not take my work home with me. I cannot let negative experiences or negative people have control over how I live my life. I don’t have a choice about working with them, but I do have a choice about how I let them impact my post-work day.
I've done well here; I really have. I'm so happy in my new office, and I'm trying to be positive in my interactions at work. When I leave at the end of the day, I leave work at work. I do catch myself thinking/complaining about work, of course, but when I do, I do the same thing as in a yoga practice--acknowledge it and then let it go. I'm very proud of myself here.
5. I will plan ahead. I need to be aware of events and plan accordingly. Doing things “on the fly” is stressful for me, so I need to stop doing that!
Um...again, not so good. Not awful, but not great. I'll need to sacrifice some time (ha, because I have so much!) to regroup here and get my stuff for work planned out.
6. I need to let go. When things don’t go my way, or someone yells at me or is disrespectful, I need to handle it, then let it go.
Yes. I've done well here too. And this isn't at work, this is everywhere. A guy who took my yoga class last night told me my music made his spine hurt. Rather than change my music or let it wreck my night, I told him I was sorry the music had affected him that way and then I went on with my night. When it popped into my head, I remembered a woman who, just a few days ago, told me she absolutely loved my music. Good with the bad--must remember.
All in all, I think I'm doing well. This is a big list, and there are a lot of issues within it. But, I've got a good handle on what I need to continue to work on, and I'll continue to appreciate the things I'm doing well.
1. I will take care of my body. I will eat nutritionally and go to bed at a reasonable hour. I will not take naps, rather I’ll do energizing activities like cleaning or walking or running.
I didn't eat out even once this week. Well, I did tonight, but it's Saturday. I only ate breakfast once and my dinners were pretty unbalanced, but I think I did a good job with lunch. I avoided the cafeteria and ate every day. I need to work on my diet coke consumption (less of it) and on the going to bed part. I didn't take any naps--but I need to go to bed earlier. I went to bed between 10pm and midnight, and I definitely noticed that I was more tired the later I went to bed.
2. I will manage my time. My time is precious, and I shouldn’t waste it. I need to use it doing activities that I enjoy and that help me relax. And I need to remember that Facebook and computer games are nice but they aren’t mentally stimulating or a good use of time. I will limit my use of the computer games.
Um...I'm overextended. You knew this. Everyone knows this except me (but I do know it, I just don't like thinking about it). Teaching 5 yoga classes a week, teaching high school full time, taking a college class...and trying to eat, sleep, and exercise is a LOT. I'm starting to think about some choices I'll need to make soon--what I can let go. But, this week I did a pretty good job with staying off of the computer games and keeping my TV off when I'm supposed to be sleeping. I'm taking steps in the right direction.
3. I will continue a regular yoga practice. I will practice 2-3 times a week, balancing C1 and C2 classes, as well as my class at Sigh.
This one is tough. I'm doing 2 classes a week, max, because that's all I have time for. And they're C2s. I took a C1 today as part of yogi training and I was reminded how much I absolutely *love* taking the C1s. I also need to pull back on "donating" my time to CorePower. I love to help out--I do--and when I'm asked by Lisa or other teachers to assist with training programs or classes, my first instinct is to say "absolutely!" because I'm so thankful for all they did for me and I want to give back. But, I can't get into a position where I'm donating more time than I can afford. I'll get back to Sigh when yogi training is over.
4. I will not take my work home with me. I cannot let negative experiences or negative people have control over how I live my life. I don’t have a choice about working with them, but I do have a choice about how I let them impact my post-work day.
I've done well here; I really have. I'm so happy in my new office, and I'm trying to be positive in my interactions at work. When I leave at the end of the day, I leave work at work. I do catch myself thinking/complaining about work, of course, but when I do, I do the same thing as in a yoga practice--acknowledge it and then let it go. I'm very proud of myself here.
5. I will plan ahead. I need to be aware of events and plan accordingly. Doing things “on the fly” is stressful for me, so I need to stop doing that!
Um...again, not so good. Not awful, but not great. I'll need to sacrifice some time (ha, because I have so much!) to regroup here and get my stuff for work planned out.
6. I need to let go. When things don’t go my way, or someone yells at me or is disrespectful, I need to handle it, then let it go.
Yes. I've done well here too. And this isn't at work, this is everywhere. A guy who took my yoga class last night told me my music made his spine hurt. Rather than change my music or let it wreck my night, I told him I was sorry the music had affected him that way and then I went on with my night. When it popped into my head, I remembered a woman who, just a few days ago, told me she absolutely loved my music. Good with the bad--must remember.
All in all, I think I'm doing well. This is a big list, and there are a lot of issues within it. But, I've got a good handle on what I need to continue to work on, and I'll continue to appreciate the things I'm doing well.
Monday, September 07, 2009
School days, school days, dear old golden rule days....
Tomorrow is the big day. I've got my lunch packed, my school bag ready by the door, and my "first day of school" outfit laid out. Ahh...back to the routine.
I'm surprisingly not upset about going back. Last year at this time, I was fairly certain that it was my last "first day". Now, a year of life, work, and yoga later, I'm more willing to go with the flow. It may be my last first day--maybe not.
Whatever happens, I'm committed to my list. Going to bed early tonight on freshly laundered sheets, a good night's sleep, then tomorrow I tackle the youth of America one mind at a time.
Wish me luck. :-)
I'm surprisingly not upset about going back. Last year at this time, I was fairly certain that it was my last "first day". Now, a year of life, work, and yoga later, I'm more willing to go with the flow. It may be my last first day--maybe not.
Whatever happens, I'm committed to my list. Going to bed early tonight on freshly laundered sheets, a good night's sleep, then tomorrow I tackle the youth of America one mind at a time.
Wish me luck. :-)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
