A letter to my brain...

Dear Brain,

You and I have had 30 great years together. You served me moderately well during 10th grade geometry (and again during 11th grade), and you got me through St. Olaf in spite of my continuously damaging you with cheap beer and vodka. I love you, Brain.

But here's the thing. You're working too hard at the wrong time, and not hard enough at the right time. I would like to request that during the hours of 6pm-10pm you avoid the breaks that you have been taking lately. There are a lot of things I need to be getting done during these four hours, such as writing a short story for class tomorrow night, writing a short story test and powerpoint presentation review for my students, and reading Deliverance.

Similarily, I would like you to do the responsible thing and shut down from 10pm until 5:30am, like other normal brains do. There is no need for you to be working triple-time during these hours, inducing nightmares and other terrors that wake me up every two hours. I work in a high school all day; I do not want to dream about students all night. Once was okay, but this repeated, recurring nightmare business has got to stop.

Also, I am aware that I have a story due tomorrow, so I do not need to dream about class and workshopping stories during those precious 10pm-5:30am hours. No good comes of that...unless you want to do work in the form of writing the story in which case I'll happily put a pen and paper by the bed so you can do that.

Please consider these requests, Brain, because I want to continue the complementary relationship we've had these many years.

Thank you.