Sunday, July 29, 2007

"I choose not to race!"

I made a difficult decision while I was out running tonight. I am not going to run the half marathon this weekend.

Here's why:

I proved with the Belize jump my ability to put myself into life-threatening situations that I am not physically or mentally prepared for. I was fortunate enough to have someone there to (literally) hold my hand. No one will be able to carry me across the finish line but me.

More importantly, I have run nearly 60 miles so far this summer, and over 100 since January, even with time out for a foot injury. I should be extremely proud of that. Before I made running a half my goal, I was proud of every single mile I ran. When I ran my first mile without stopping to walk, I celebrated. When I hit 3 miles, I celebrated. When I ran 6 miles, I celebrated a LOT. Since I started training for the half, though, every mile I've run has turned into a disappointment. Not good enough. I did not start running to be a racer. I didn't even have a marathon in my mind. I wanted to run to be healthy. I have achieved that, have turned running into a lifestyle, and that's something that I should feel good about when I think of it, not feel like I'm not doing a good enough job.

I don't feel like a failure in this, though some people may see it that way. I will run a half marathon at some point in the future, but I don't want to hurt myself or take away from my enjoyment of running by rushing into something that should be taken extremely seriously.


jamais vu said...

First off, you GO grrl! 100 miles since January? That's freakin AWEsome. Secondly, just the fact that you get off your duff and run means that you don't have to explain anything to ANYbody.

Kelly said...

Heeey, thank you! :)
(I still spend PLENTY of time on my duff, though! lol)