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Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Maybe it's the meaning...

...that I'm lacking. In life. I'm sitting here watching Project Runway and watching the designers in "do or die" situations, with the tears and the passion and the "I MUST DO THIS" attitude. And I wonder if I'm in a spot right now, and if this is my problem, that I don't have my own Project Runway. I don't have a prize to eye, Bryant Park, or a challenge to win, or anyone to impress, or anything that I'm really working for that matters. I go to work, I teach, and I go home. What kind of an impact am I making on the world that someone else couldn't make? What am I doing that a million other teachers aren't doing? Nothing.

The part of me where I had the chance to really stand out, to be award winning and fantastic and grab life by the balls and say "I MUST DO THIS" was my writing. And I tossed that aside. It's hard to take my life and look at it and say that I have turned out just like everyone else. I'm not original, I'm not promising, and if I were to die tomorrow, I wouldn't be remembered for anything besides "Oh yeah, I knew her."

I don't feel good about that.

I need to find a way to challenge myself. To reach out and find something that isn't in my comfort zone--something that will make me sweat a little. I need to give this some thought.

3 comments:

TT. said...

Well, there's only one more week of Project Runway to distract us, right? Then two friends and I are committed -- COMMITTED -- to finishing our current big writing projects by the end of November. That's two regular novels and a graphic novel. Why don't you turn off the TV after we find out the PR winner and add a third novel into that mix?

Kelly said...

In a nanowrimo sort of way? I was considering doing that this year since the major block for me in years past was the fall show which I'm no longer a part of. Either way....I like the idea of doing something writerly in November. Maybe. Turn off the tv? Are you MAD, man?? I do need to watch less TV. Yes, I need to think about this.

Flash Fiction Fiend said...

Oh boy! Good time to enter a deviance themed microfiction contest!