...that I'm lacking. In life. I'm sitting here watching Project Runway and watching the designers in "do or die" situations, with the tears and the passion and the "I MUST DO THIS" attitude. And I wonder if I'm in a spot right now, and if this is my problem, that I don't have my own Project Runway. I don't have a prize to eye, Bryant Park, or a challenge to win, or anyone to impress, or anything that I'm really working for that matters. I go to work, I teach, and I go home. What kind of an impact am I making on the world that someone else couldn't make? What am I doing that a million other teachers aren't doing? Nothing.
The part of me where I had the chance to really stand out, to be award winning and fantastic and grab life by the balls and say "I MUST DO THIS" was my writing. And I tossed that aside. It's hard to take my life and look at it and say that I have turned out just like everyone else. I'm not original, I'm not promising, and if I were to die tomorrow, I wouldn't be remembered for anything besides "Oh yeah, I knew her."
I don't feel good about that.
I need to find a way to challenge myself. To reach out and find something that isn't in my comfort zone--something that will make me sweat a little. I need to give this some thought.