Wednesday, February 06, 2013

I don't often laugh at the misfortune of others, but...

I really don't laugh at other people.  I'm not much into physical comedy--usually I'm all "oh my gosh, is that person okay?  How is that funny?"  But I get it, lots of people are amused by people falling on their faces...Chris Farley and Will Ferrell made careers out of it, so I just accept that I'm in the minority.

Tonight, though, I got it.

So, at my spin studio, there's a women's locker room with one bathroom stall.  Tonight, there's a woman in the stall when another woman comes into the locker room headed straight for it.  The woman pushes on the door, and it opens....the other woman had forgotten to lock it.  If you're starting to laugh, just wait.  That's not even the funny part; that happens all the time and everyone is all apologetic and embarrassed and goes about their business.

Not tonight.

Tonight, the woman in the stall, upon being "opened," proceeds to launch herself at the door with a velocity that really only belongs in the "run for your life" category.  Meanwhile, the woman who tried to open the door accidentally is using the proper protocol of apologizing and backing quickly away---which proved to be exactly the right thing, because bathroom stall woman is gunning for bear here.  But....the door opens in.  So, when she attacks the door, the door stops in its closed position, and the woman bounces off of it.  She bounces backward onto the toilet, which doesn't have any more give than the door, so she bounces off of that too.  Over the span of about 3 seconds, the woman ends up rebounding off of apparently every square inch of the bathroom stall sounding like thirty tennis balls in a dryer, and ends up square on her naked bottom on the floor of the bathroom stall.

I'm sorry, folks; it may be mean, but I DIED laughing.

And the best part (or the worst, if you're this poor woman) is that as I'm watching all of this, as she come to a splat on the stall floor, she *sighs.*  As if to say, "Of course.  This is exactly how my day would end, with my ass on the bathroom floor.  FLM."  I mean, we've all been there, right? (Well...not *there.*)

So, ladies, what can we learn from this?  If the bathroom stall opens, calmly reach out a hand and block the door--that's it.  The other person will stop when they see the destination is occupied; there's no need for a panic.  One must stay calm in all situations in which one's pants are around one's ankles.  Seriously.


Leah Villa said...

I haven't been on your blog in so long! I don't know why it fell off my radar; I don't know if you even remember me. But this story made me laugh so hard. I'm so interested in what you're working on in your life!

Just wanted to let you know I'm back ^_^

Kelly said...

Yay, Leah!! I do remember you and I'm so glad you're back :)