Saturday, April 30, 2005

What I'll Miss

So the question came up tonight on another forum I'm on: 'what will you miss when you die?'. This was from another blog, used as a writing prompt. Now, obviously I'm obsessed with death. But, there have been two things that have come up in the last two days that have led me to believe I might be more obsessed than the average bear.

First, on the show Family Plot (a reality show about a mortuary, SO right up my alley), one of the employees was saying that people don't really think about how or when they're going to die. He says "I could die before I get to work this morning" (he was on his way to work) "people just don't think about that." The thing is, I do think about that. I'll drive to school in the morning and think "hey, what if I die on the way there?"

Second, the "what I'll miss when I die" question. I've thought about that before. I've been driving in my car, listing to some kick ass song on the radio with the windows rolled down and feeling like I'm the queen of shit and thinking "damn, I'm really going to miss this when I die."

So....the higher power element. I believe in God and I hope, I pray, that when I die I'll go to an even cooler place than where I am now. But the thing is, I love life. Even without a boyfriend, without a husband, without children, I'm so happy right now. And I want to be happy for the rest of my life, which I hope is very long. But, I don't remember the time before I was born. What if death is like that? What if it's all great and everything, but I don't remember the time that I lived now? All I can say, simply, is that it would really suck. What a waste of time to get me all psyched up and loving life, loving my friends, my family, myself, only to have it all forgotten in the afterlife even if the afterlife is positively euphoric. I don't want to forget who and what I am.

The answer to the question, "what will you miss when you die?" :::

1. Laughter
2. The feel of air on my face
3. Feeling my physical movements--walking, blinking, wiggling my fingers
4. Singing
5. The feeling of excitement and happiness that is so strong inside my chest actually hurts
6. Hugs
7. The conscious thought of KNOWING I'm alive. Knowing that there's breath in my lungs


Nance Knauer said...

you are so right. to not remember your life, to have it disappear--no to have your "self" erased--is one helluva scary thought.

i just can't believe it'll be that way. meanwhile, life is good. ;)

Patricia said...

You're such a doll, you are, thanks for this, it feels good and makes me smile..xoxoxo

Patricia said...

You're such a doll, you are, thanks for this, it feels good and makes me smile..xoxoxo