Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Sorry seems to be the hardest word

At least for me lately. It seems like I've been doing nothing but apologizing for being wrong, for my behavior, or in some cases for my general overall existance lately. Okay, not the last one, but pretty close.

I blew off a student today because I was late for class and he had just gotten into trouble with me. He left and then came back while I was rushing to collect my things to go to my second classroom and I acted like a bitch. I then proceeded to act like a bitch to my next hour, because I couldn't shake it off.

And then I thought, no wonder kids hate school. Teachers aren't allowed to be crabby. We're not allowed to have a bad day. Because if we are or do, there's no way to hide it. We can't just hole ourselves away at our desks and pretend our bosses/coworkers don't exist. We're out there. Add that to the pressure that if I take out my frustration on a student (even unintentionally), there's the chance that student will remember only how mean I was that day, not anything else he learned, which means that I've damaged that student.

So I apologized to the student I blew off earlier. I said that I handled things wrong and that I was willing to listen to him if he wanted to discuss the situation and I said that I was sorry I hadn't been able to do so earlier. He went from not speaking to me at the onset of the conversation to saying "thank you" at the end of it.

But I wish I didn't have to save myself by apologizing. I wish I could just do it right the first time. I won't always get the chance to say sorry and I shouldn't go through my job acting like I will.


kim said...

You did a great Job, and are doing a great don't sweat the small stuff..!

teachers don't damage kids..well except for mr. B. and mr.S. but Miss. D. and Sister Erica made up for those jerks...They we're like you, vunderful Darlink!

Nance Knauer said...

Well, it's great that you have that insight, but don't ask the impossible of yourself. Like a parent, the kids need to know you're human, right??

Gary LaPointe said...

At least you said it, so many people won't bother to say "I'm sorry" and that's a shame.

Now (if anything) that student is probably saying how great you are. Which compared to he might have said previously, now puts you light years ahead of the game.