Today is 51 days before my MFA application needs to be turned in to the University of Minnesota. I've missed their deadline twice before, due to procrastination and general headinthesandness.
I have recruited two people to write my letters of recommendation and I need to email and ask the third. The two I have asked are well known authors and I'm thrilled that they consider me worthy of their recommendation. Both said they were happy I was applying.
Tonight I started really focusing on revision of "Advanced Woods." I did a writing exercise from The 3am Epiphany that was designed to loosen the writer's brain enough to overcome writer's block. I am not blocked so much as panicked. Every time I think about "Advanced Woods" and revising it, I am overcome by thoughts of the judgements of the two authors who are recommending me, as well as the profound thought that this story and whichever other I submit will decide my fate next year. It will decide if I am a high school teacher or an MFA candidate. It will, ultimately, decide if I advance to a life goal or if I stay stuck in the same muddle (sorry, directing Hard Times) for another year.
That's a lot of pressure to put on a story. Even two stories.
But, I have a good chance of getting in. I got into Belize, I got ink from Hunger Mountain. The only person who doubts my success is me. It always has been. The number one thing that will prevent me from getting in to the U of M is my own self-sabatoge. Procrastination, self-doubt, nervousness, all of these things will hurt me in the end, so I need to manage them and get my stuff done.
So, for the next 50 days my blog will focus on my journey to get into grad school. Other things too, of course, but you'll get updates pretty regularly. After all, if I wasn't blogging I'd actually have to be writing.