Hard Times

The kids I direct are performing Hard Times this weekend and next weekend. They're doing an amazing job.

I am not doing so well.

This year has been a bitch of a year. Most of it I haven't written about, mostly because it's too personal or embarassing. I've been in a courtroom, I've been squirted with ultrasound gel, and I've had needles stuck into my boobs. I had a great boyfriend, and now I don't. Now I have an ex-boyfriend who is on cloud nine with his new girlfriend. I lost a friendship that I thought was strong. I went to a funeral last week and will go to another on Sunday.

The older I get, the more I realize that the "bad" things that have happened to me in my life, and in particular this year, aren't anything compared to what some people go through. By all rights, I have nothing to complain about.

I'm a perfectionist, and when things aren't going right for me I bend over backwards to make sure that they become right. Unfortunately, the majority of the things that have happened this year were and are completely out of my control. I try as hard as I can, but it doesn't make the lumps in my breasts go away, and it doesn't bring friends back.

I guess it's all life, though, right? The good and the bad, the moments where you love life so much you could burst, and the moments where it hurts so badly you want to implode. I'm conforted by knowing that good and bad tend to balance each other out (on their own timeframe, of course) and that I've handled myself through all of my Hard Times the best that I could. The only regrets I have are elements that were not in my hands.