Tuesday, April 08, 2008


Well, not a lot to update except:

1. I've made myself far too busy than I can handle.

2. As a result of #1:

--> Insomnia has completely slowed me down. Like I think my heart is actually beating slower. I'm walking slower, talking slower, and, inevitably, thinking slower.

--> Nutrition and exercise have gone completely out of the picture.

--> Because of the insomnia, the nutrition, the exercise, my back and knees and neck have reached new levels of pain.

--> Because of the new levels of pain, my emotions are positively depressed (now there's an oxymoron for you). I'm like a vortex of depression--draining the energy of everyone around me. I got asked so many times today "what's wrong?" I think I may make a tshirt. Frankly, I'm too tired to explain it all.

3. This making myself more busy than I can handle is my own fault. And my attempt to keep adding fuel to the fire--adding more tasks--is only going to result in my shorting out and very possibly losing what I've been working really hard for.

4. Because I know myself, I know it's only a matter of time before my health is compromised. From the sounds of it, that's taking place as we speak.

5. I have a test in Death and Dying tomorrow. I'm really hoping that I don't fail it. Seriously. For the amount of time i spent studying for this test compared to the last one, failure is a very real possibility. Here's hoping the gods of test taking are with me tomorrow.

I think that's it. Oh, I referred to "12" and "midnight" as two separate hours today when telling someone that I'm awake into the night. As in, "I'm wide awake around 11, 12, midnight, 1, 2..." Yeah, I should take a test.


jamais vu said...

You are going to work yourself right in to a major depressive episode brought on by exhaustion. I'm well acquainted with the "life in slo-mo" feeling - it's a manifestation of depression. I suggest you get yourself to your MD right away and get some ambien. Or lunestra if you prefer (that's actually a luna moth - they're native to the area where i live and very beautiful). Drug-induced no REM sleep is better than no sleep at all for the short term.

Kelly said...

The neon green butterfly is real? Luna moth....sweet.

I have about four weeks left of college classes (dear God, can you imagine finals? Heaven help all my friends during that time, seriously) and then things will lighten considerably. So there is an end in sight. I will think about going to the doctor, though, I promise.

jamais vu said...

Pictures don't really do them justice.