Well, the polls are closed, and, in spite of a 4-2 vote in favor of applying to the Mentor Series and an approaching 5pm deadline, I do not have an application prepared for the first time in four year.
I don't feel especially good or bad about it, mostly neutral. I still have that feeling like I "should" apply, but not really because I especially want to get in. OR, maybe my self-preservation instinct is on such overdrive these days that I know a rejection for the 4th year running would do more harm than icky feelings over not applying at all.
A good thing to come out of this is that I have a new story in the works. A new story in spite of not having a Loft class this term. I'm like an actual writer, writing just for the compulsion to do so. And, I like the story. I think it may turn into something.
At some point, probably this summer, I will need to sit down and take stock of my inventory. What stories exist and where they're at in the process. I think I've written a lot more than I feel like I have. My head says I haven't written anything since "Advanced Woods" which I wrote in 2006, but that's not true. I've written at least four stories since then. It's not much, but it's more than nothing.
So, while half of MN waits for mentor results this summer, including Supergenius Jodi, I will not. I guess it's okay. Yes, it's okay.