Tuesday, May 27, 2008

No, no, I'm fine. Really. Thanks for asking.

I'm so incredibly pissed off today I don't even know what to do. It's the death anger, misplaced onto just about anything that moves (or doesn't move, in some cases). The type of anger that makes me not want to be in my skin because it's just all too much.

Today at school was miserable. I'm having some issues with colleagues that I can't really talk about out of professional obligation. They added to the sense of total disorientation and numbness of today. I knew it would be hard. I'm trying to remember that everyone deals with death (and with people who are dealing with a death) differently so I shouldn't be hypersensitive to my own perceived feelings. I'm trying to pretend that everything is normal, and maybe that will make it normal again.

There is so much more than Craig's death going on. So much that I wish I could talk about but I can't and won't because, well, I'm starting to think that maybe my life is becoming a bit too public and my expectations based on that set me up for failure.

I'm just in that spot that no one wants to be in---emotional discomfort. There's nothing but time that will make it better. And a change of scenery come June 6th. I can't wait for June 6th.

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