Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Stupid things I've heard lately

"It's kind of I don't need to go to work." --Idiot man on tv who just got laid off

"It's not as easy to eat a banana as it is a candy bar. With a candy bar, you just peel off the wrapper and there you go!" --Idiot classmate in Normandale health class. Note the actual use of the word 'peel' if the comparison wasn't bludgeoning you already.

"Shut the fuck up, you stupid ass bitch." --Student who clearly didn't know that a) words don't bother me; 2) I swear like a sailor myself; 3) if he had said 'shut the fuck up, you smart ass bitch' I probably would have thanked him for the compliment.

"Childhood doesn't impact what you eat. My mom never let me eat junk food ever and now that's all I eat!" --Another idiot classmate in Normandale health class who's sure showing his mom a thing or two about a thing or two.

"All women come in different shapes, sizes, and forms and just because you're a celebrity, there shouldn't be a different standard.--One Ashlee Simpson regarding her sister's graduation into a non-Ethopian weight class. Yeah, there's a different standard. JUST because you're a celebrity. Oh, and because you make a billion dollars a year. And because you spent the last 5-6 years trapsing around magazines and clubs and screens everywhere wearing the amount of clothing equivalent to my sock. You don't want us to talk about your weight? Don't get paid to be thin. And give back all the money you earned for doing it.

"How can we expect teenage girls to love and respect themselves in an environment where we criticize a size 2 figure?" --Ashlee again. Jessica Simpson is no more a size 2 than I am. And Ashlee Simpson is going to talk about teenage girls loving and respecting themselves? Oi.

Sorry, didn't mean to fall off into celebrity hell there...I know, it was kind of like the whole shooting fish in a barrel thing. From now on I'll keep my "stupid things" to the civilians. At least I'll try.

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