Today was the last "intensive" day of the cleanse. Tomorrow, mercifully, I can eat carbs again! Can I get a "Holla!" over that one please? For real.
One of the things I've noticed about my personality is that I never close the deal. I set goals for myself, put myself into situations, accept responsibilities, etc. and I do them 9/10ths of the way....and then I stop. I'm the queen of "close enough." When I get "close enough," I decide that I did as good as I could do, but I'm obviously not strong/good/smart/talented/whatever enough to finish what I started. I do it in yoga postures, at work, at home. I do it with serious tasks like grading; I do it with silly tasks like doing the dishes. I often spend 20 minutes washing dishes, then I stop with two left and leave those two in the sink.
Today I started craving white rice. Not because white rice is all that great, but because tomorrow I can begin incorporating fruits, non-broccoli vegetables, and white rice back into my diet. So, 8 hours before my finish line (I call the day's close at midnight or when I'd go to bed, whichever is first), I decide I probably should just eat the rice. Nevermind that I've been handling cravings for a week. Nevermind that white rice on its own kind of sucks.
So I didn't eat the rice. And it has nothing to do with the cleanse. It has to do with my desire to finish something that I started. To not get "close enough" and then be done. If I've gone 4 days without white rice, I can do another 8 hours. And, now, it's less than 4 hours. This, my friends, is just as much about my patterns as it is about my eating. I have to learn to finish what I start.
Tomorrow I start reducing the UltraClear and increasing foods back into my diet. I have to make a decision about soda. I'm such a slave to it, and it's not enough to say "I'll just have a can once in awhile." That's not how this girl rolls. I have to either cut it out, or give in to it. I've already cut it out...but I'm not willing to say goodbye to Captain Diets. But, that's not a decision that needs to be made tonight; tonight, it was all about the rice.