Thursday, September 08, 2005

I need to get away

School is awful today...absolutely awful. It's difficult to explain, but it's like I keep trying to reinforce rules with the kids that are rules we've always had, then other teachers are questioning me on them like they don't exist and I'm starting to think that maybe I should just let the kids do whatever they want because clearly I don't know the rules. This isn't just today, I'm simply oversensitive about it today. It's been happening all year.

If I didn't know better I'd say that the Dark Ick was coming back...the inability to do anything but curl up in a ball on the floor in the dark. Ordinary tasks, things I do every day, become insurmountable obstacles. Teaching is impossible.

I have to be out tonight and I don't want to be. I have obligations to everyone and no time to give to myself at a time when I really need it. Sleeping, well, sleeping is what I want to do the most.

In many ways, most ways, I want to get to Belize. I'm afraid, though, that it'll be worse when I get home, that I'll be miserable here, that all I'll want to do is go back.

Oh well.

1 comment:

Nance Knauer said...

the dark ick. that's a great way to describe it. i'm sorry things are bleak right now. put on some good tunes and keep picturing that beach!