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Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone

That's what I'm doing, burning out my fuse up here alone. I'm feeling both connected and disconnected, grounded and groundless, awake and asleep all at the same time. January is such a hard month for me. I wake up in the morning and my first thought is how much I hate my job, how much I hate going to work and I try to think of ways to not go, to quit, but I can't. Even a former student telling me that she's going to become a teacher because of me isn't enough during January to help me appreciate what I do, although it should. I know that she was one of fate's reminders that I'm doing what I'm supposed to do. I do make a difference.

I'm starting two new Loft classes on Feb. 1st and I'm excited. New classes, new teachers, should be interesting. My writing has been at a standstill until tonight, when I solved a problem for one of my characters while watching teenage boys shoot a puck from one end of the ice rink to the other.

And, I turn thirty six months from tomorrow.

5 comments:

jodi said...

what classes are you taking?

Nance Knauer said...

happy 29 1/2!

wignifty said...

I turn 30 on July 1st, about the same as you. I know what you mean about having hard times during teaching. If we ever get a beer I'll tell you all about my first teaching experience. It was in a tiny town in extreme Eastern Oregon. I hated the school, the kids hated me as an outsider, and my relationship was falling apart in that slow, indefinable way that never presents you with an opportunity to make a clear-cut decision to get out.

I hope you there's something in your life other than school that can make these winter months easier to bear. Like knitting a shawl, or maybe babysitting for your younger friends who are married and have babies. Sometimes trying on wedding dresses of younger sisters can really pick up a girl's spirits, or so I hear.

All kidding aside, I hope you're doing ok, Kelly.

Kelly said...

And I'm on crack, because it's five months until 30. Gads.

I'm fine...just moody. I'm moody a lot.

wignifty said...

That's not the Kelly I knew!

Oh wait...

:-)