Friday, January 19, 2007

It's not me, it's you

On my way to the weight room today after school, one of my colleagues caught up to me to ask if I had any fun plans for the weekend. The following conversation ensued:

Me: Jodi and I are going to Barnes and Noble tomorrow night because we've decided it's an untapped resource for men.

John: Oh yeah? Sounds fun. Anything else that you can tell me about? [John is in his 50s...probably doesn't want to hear about my crazy sex life. HA!]

Me: Nope, just hanging with Gatsby. A 30 year old single woman with her dog.

John: I don't understand why you're still single.

Me: Yeah, me neither.

John: No really. I know you joke about it, but I really don't understand why a girl like you isn't married.

We chatted some more, and then parted ways. But of course his comments stuck with me. I gave up a long time ago trying to find an answer as to why it's so difficult to find a good relationship. I have at least two amazing friends who, for all intents and purposes, should be married but are not. I can't think of a single reason why they are unable to find love. So, I don't understand why when I turn the lens on myself I find all sorts of faults with me. I criticize my actions, my words. I beat myself up because surely I can't be a whole person without a marriage and a family.

But when people like John talk to me, older, more intelligent men who are from an era where courtship was an art, speak to me and reinforce what I believe but try to squelch within myself I begin to believe it even more.

It's not me. It's you.

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