Thursday, August 16, 2012

At some point, I'm going to need to accept that I'm smart.

I've spent my whole life trying to not be smart.  I'm the one who sits back and observes, then, rather than make comments at meetings/planning sessions/brainstorming, I'll say something to one person when it's all over.  "That's such a great idea! Why didn't you say something at the meeting?" If I had a dollar for every time I heard some variation on that phrase, well, wealthy girl here.

The thing is, I don't think I always was smart.  I think I learned how to be smart sometime between ages 30-35.  Right around the time I went back to school to be a funeral director and realized that there were people in the world who knew stuff more than I did, but they would teach it to me if I listened.  So, I began to listen.  I listened to everyone, everywhere, all the time.  And I got smart.

But, that doesn't erase the years of disdained looks, eye rolls, and snickers from a time in my life when I was decidedly NOT smart.  Those days of my youth when I took all of that in and the message screamed "You are NOT SMART.  You are STUPID. Your ideas are LAME.  YOU are LAME."

So, now I'm in an interesting spot.  I'm smart, there's no denying it.  But, how to deal with this?  I just don't know.

So, today's question: have you grown into a talent that you've always envied in others and never really adopted as your own?

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