Stick a fork in me.

Last night after watching the second presidential debate, I started to ask myself some questions. Questions like, why did I just spend two hours of my life watching that? Why do I allow myself to be subjected to countless smear ads from countless people, none of whom are better than any others? Do I think that little of myself? Do I believe that I have so many "extra" minutes in my life that I can toss them away watching other people in a sanctioned pissing contest?

I had some trouble with the answers.

Don't get me wrong--I love to be politically aware. And my decision to turn myself away from the ObamaPalinMcCain menage is not an attempt to stick my head in the sand (sorry, I'm still puking cliches from last night's debate) or to ignore the issues. Rather, I'm simply done. I'm done devoting my time to the embarrassment that is Sarah Palin, who thinks that she needs to talk like she came out of a back woods trailer to show me she "gets me". I'm done watching John McCain try to say he'll do things "differently" without citing one single specific example of how he might do that. I'm done hearing Barack Obama say he "understands what the middle class is going through" in his suit that cost more than my last year's teacher's salary, while he's running a campaign that costs more than I'll ever see in my lifetime if I work three jobs until I drop dead on the showroom floor at age 100.

Done.

I'm done with Norm Coleman and Al Franken, too, with their "he said rape!" "how could he say he said rape!" "He's a pervert!" "He's got anger issues!" "His wife's an alcoholic!" "He's a big liar!" Lose track of who said what? Exactly. Does it matter? Are either of them saying anything?

Done.

And I'm done with the jokes, too. With the flow charts and the SNLs and the youtube videos and the emails and the forwards and the blogs. This isn't funny, people. This is choosing the person who gets to talk to other leaders who could bomb us into oblivion. This is choosing the person who has one of the final says on the economy, health care, and education in this country. This is choosing the person who, God forbid a tragedy like the Challenger, like Columbine, like Oklahoma City, like 9/11, should happen will be speaking to our nation to call us to action and make us believe we should not be afraid. This is choosing a very, very important person. And when we're all out there sending our email forwards and giving the SNL Tina Fey/Sarah Palin youtube video its one millionth hit, maybe we should think about how funny it's going to be when it's real. When it isn't a joke. When McCain is elected and then has a heart attack or a relapse of his malignant melanoma and he dies and our country is thrust into its darkest hour since the Kennedy assassination and the person there to lead us is Sarah "hockey mom joe six-pack gosh darn it you betcha" Palin.

Funny.

Isn't it?

So I'm turning off my tv until November 7th. Because they can continue to do all the ads they want, the whole lot of them, but they're not wasting any more hours, minutes, or even seconds of my life. I'll be casting my vote on November 4th--I exercise that right. And hopefully things won't end up quite like they did the last election when all the dems said "Bush won't win again!"

Won't (s)he? We'll see.

Wow

Snot, of Puke and Snot, is dead.

I'm totally stunned.

I last saw their show up in Grand Marais back in...probably 2004. Over the 4th of July. They were there totally unexpectedly, and I was up there on a retreat getting a guy out of my system. I've seen them many, many times over the years, the first time being in 1990 when I was a freshman in high school.

I'm really bummed about this. Mark Sieve, Puke, says that he will continue the show, that Penn Gillette of Penn and Teller said that's what he should do, and it'll be a totally awesome way to remember Joe Kudla. I'm really glad that "the show will go on" because it should--but it won't ever be quite the same. The Renn Fest opens in three days...I hope the turnout to Sieve's first show without Kudla is enormous--a real tribute to a man who brought laughs to hundreds of thousands of people over the course of the last 35 years.

RIP, Snot.

The one where she gets all political...

I rarely talk about my stance on politics, but this whole John Edwards thing has gotten to the point where I can no longer remain silent. I'm sick and tired of watching "breaking news" on this ridiculousness every other minute.

Let me just say first off that I don't condone adultery. I'm a total believer in the sanctity of marriage, and I think the morals in this country are seriously lacking and I'm appalled by it on a daily...hell, you all know me...HOURLY basis. That being said, John Edwards cheating on his wife is not the greatest scandal to ever hit the American people. It's not a tragedy, it's not a betrayal (to anyone but Elizabeth Edwards and their children). It's a guy who cheated on his wife. Period. I'm on a list-serv of teachers from around the country, and some of them are treating this situation as if John Edwards cheated on them personally.

If you take the number of people in this country and stand that up against the number of people who are infuriated by this situation, the odds are a reasonable percentage of these morally outraged folks were watching the events unfold from their mistress's bed (or their boyfriend's bed...whatever you call the guy of a cheating girl). I know, I know, John Edwards is held to a higher standard because he's a public official. Bullshit. He should do the right thing, definitely. But so should we all, whether we're constantly in the public eye or not. And he's a human being, who made a mistake. Yeah, a biggie. I've made big mistakes too. So have you.

And for that percentage of folks out there who feel personally betrayed by this, ask yourself why. How did Edwards betray you? Because you believed that he was infallible? Because we've fucked things up so badly in this country that he seemed like a white steed coming in to rescue us all and turned out to be twinged with gray? Or because you just forgot that he was a man who has as equal a chance as any other man of fucking up his relationship?

When all is said and done, all John Edwards is still the same guy who shook hands and kissed babies and smiled and won us all over...he was a little glossier than others, a little more hope-bearing than most. But, really, when you take all the dressing off and the loaded words and the "scandal" and the "horror" and the "lurid detail" what you're left with is a politician who didn't tell the truth.

Hm. Imagine that.

Where have I been you ask? I have no idea.

I don't even know if that's punctuated correctly. Oh well.

Jon Hassler, amazing author, died not today, not yesterday, but last Thursday. In my excitement over starting spring break and the stress of current Operation: DBH angst, I missed it completely.

I have a love/hate relationship with Hassler. Had, I guess. When I read Staggerford back in 2002ish at the tender age of 24, I threw the book across the room I was so angry with it. I had been told that every English teacher needed to read that book, so I did, and man was I ever pissed off. I didn't understand why anyone would want to read such a terrible book. Terrible in the sense of what happens to the main character over the course of the seven days of the book, not terrible as so much fiction I complain about (where I'm so shocked it got published I can hardly breathe).

But, I took some time, and then I read it again. I realized that what I called terrible was actually unbelievably brilliant because Hassler hit a part of my emotions that a book had never touched before. Yeah, it was a total sucker-punch, but a good book will do that to you. Staggerford sits quietly as one of my favorite and best loved books, yet I can't imagine ever reading it again because it's just too painful a book for me to get through.

Why every English teacher should read it, though, is because it paints a picture of teaching that is more real and more honest than any education class ever could. It's an English teacher's diary, really, with all of the bumps and bruises and joys and successes and rewards and red herrings and exhaustion that I never thought could be explained by anyone...until Hassler came along and put it out there in such a simple and beautiful way that it didn't sound like a teacher bitch-fest, it was just fact. And it is. And for that I thank Hassler and love him. The hate comes in not really even because of him, but because what he writes is exactly right. He just had the unfortunate job of being the messenger.

Maybe I will read it again. I think, like The Great Gatsby, people should read Staggerford every five years or so. I'm just slightly overdue.

RIP, Jon.

The legend steps down

Favre has decided to retire.

In January of 1997, my friend Meredith Manners called me up and begged me to come to Eau Claire, WI for the weekend. We'd barhop (I was nervous at the prospect since I didn't turn 21 until June of 1997) and hang out and go to a bar to watch the Superbowl. Because I would have chewed off my right arm to have the opportunity to hang with Meredith for the weekend, I agreed to go, even to watch football.

We showed up at some random bar in Eau Claire to watch the game. When we walked in, I was stunned by the crowd. Everyone, I mean EVERYONE, was dressed in Packer gear from head to toe. No wives or children had been dragged along by their husbands. No one was just there to have a drink. If you were in that room, you were a Packer fan.

The drinks flowed freely, no one cared that I was 20. When they found out where I was from--Minnesota--everyone in that room made it their mission to have me walk out of that bar a Packer fan. And, what can I say? They succeeded.

I became a Packer fan.

For eleven years I've stood by my team and its figurehead, Brett Favre. I've watched him win and lose, get pissed off and laugh himself silly. I've watched his passion wane and rally. I've worn my Packer clothing on win days and loss days. I've taken verbal beatings, had drinks thrown at me, been booed...it's tough being a Packer fan in Minnesota. But, I love Brett Favre. And I love his (former) team.

I think he made the right decision. His reasons are sound enough for me, and I'm not sorry that he's done. I'm sad, I'll miss him, but he's going out a Champion and that's exactly what he should do.

Quite a month for my two favorite men, and a few lessons for me.

Stephen King has finally gotten his "literary due" in the form of being asked to be the guest editor for The Best American Short Stories 2007. King has been working his way into the literary clique for about the last twenty years, and hopefully his choice of stories will shut up some of the critics that think that King couldn't identify a good story if it snuck up behind him with a knife.

King's preface is noteworthy. I read it last night as I prepared to delve into the treasured book, and I found myself nodding, laughing, grimacing, and, finally, nodding again. Considering I had done one of the exact same things King described (it involves one's butt in the air and nose in the carpet, although I had cold tile rather than carpet) earlier in the day, it was accurate. Additionally, it helped me during this time of utter writerly confusion by reminding me what it is I should truly be trying to do with my writing.

I put down the BASS today to watch the Packers throttle the Vikings here in "Viking territory." Brett Favre became the record holder for most passing touchdowns at 421 with about five minutes plus some change left in the first quarter. He still meant business in the second half of the game when he threw pass #422.

I think about the last two years when Favre's name was always uttered in conjunction with the word 'retirement.' And I think about how, if he had, he would not have had today. Favre is obviously a model football player, a role model to his players and to players across the NFL, even to players in college and high school, but he's also a role model to those of us who simply watch the game. He is strong, hardworking, and determined. He sets goals and he achieves them. When things get rough for him, he fights harder rather than curling up and whining "It's too HARD!".

Though Favre is not a writer, he taught me a lot about writing today. He and Mr. King...who'd of thunk it. Professionals who love what they do work their asses off regardless of talent, of publicity, and of popularity. They work out of a continued desire to be the best. Favre didn't sit out the rest of the game today after he achieved the record in the first quarter. He kept working, as he always does.

Russian heir Alexei's remains found?

After reading Robert Alexander's The Kitchen Boy a few months ago, I started to study the Romanovs and Russian history in the early twentieth century. So, the possibility that remains found could be that of Alexei and one of his sisters is completely fascinating.

Goodbye Pluto, we'll miss you

Pluto got demoted. It's so sad. There have always been nine planets, and now there are only eight. Apparently because Pluto crosses Neptune's orbit it doesn't meet the newly established "criteria" for a planet. But shouldn't they grandfather it in? I mean, it isn't Pluto's fault that it doesn't meet the new criteria.

Poor, poor Pluto.

Meerkat Update

The girl was nine, and according to the latest news report it was directly because she refused (well, her parents refused) to get the rabies test (seven shots) that the animals were euthanized.
They did the autopsies today and none of the animals were infected.

The animals had been vaccinated and hadn't been near any other animals, so the zoo keepers doubted that the animals were infected, but since the girl refused to get the shots, they had no choice but to put the animals down for testing.

So unfortunate that everyone who wants to visit the meerkats has that privilege taken away because of the selfishness of these people who apparently have no value for the lives of animals.

So, fine, the animals are gone, but I think that this family should be banned from the zoo for life. It is so not the animals' faults at all that this stupid girl put herself where she wasn't supposed to go, and it's absolutely repulsive that her parents wouldn't own up to the responsibility they have in keeping their daughter under watch and instead chose to murder five animals. Shame on them.

Save the meerkat!!

Okay, so a girl gets bitten by a meerkat at the Minnesota Zoo because she stuck her face into the cage when she obviously wasn't supposed to.

The result?

The zoo had to euthanize all five meerkats in the exhibit and biopsy their brains for rabies because the girl's parents wouldn't submit her for rabies vaccination.

This pissed me off beyond anything. Because some dumb parent wasn't watching his/her kid and the dumb kid can't respect the clear boundaries of the zoo, five animals had to die.

Insane.