Well, I have yet to have a seizure, but if I said it was easy to stay away from Facebook, I'd be a big liar. It's not that I can't function or anything--in fact, I've accomplished more in the last 3 days than I probably have all summer. And it is serving its purpose. I'm avoiding a lot of false security in relationship that I know I'd be wallowing in this week. And, I don't miss anyone. These people who I would talk to non-stop are suddenly "out there," accessible by email but not at the instant a thought pops into my head. And, no one has died for me not being able to update my status with any of my random thoughts.
In fact, being forced to hear my own random thoughts without commentary, analysis, humor or disparaging has led to me doing quite a bit of thinking. And writing. Yep, this girl has actually laid pen to paper again for the first time since becoming a Facebook addict. Fascinating.
I'm still planning to go back to FB at some point, but for right now I'm enjoying reading books, writing, and thinking again. Kind of nifty.
Showing posts with label Writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Writing. Show all posts
Saturday, August 04, 2012
Sunday, October 23, 2011
A Crossroads
Let's face it, folks, this blog has been languishing. I haven't been holding up my end of the bargain by giving you all good reading material, and I know that. I have lots of excuses, but most of what has kept me from writing is simply that I've changed a lot since beginning this blog six years ago, and even more so in the last two years, and I just wasn't sure where this darling blog should go.
It started as a "hey, this is me" blog. Then it turned into a "Kelly the writer" blog. Then a "Kelly the teacher" blog, "Kelly the yogi" blog, "Kelly the funeral director" blog, "Kelly the yoga teacher" blog, and "Kelly the grad student" blog. And it was in this reflection that I began to struggle---I'm done with grad school (yippee!), hanging out here doing my normal writer-teacher-yogi-spinning-Gatsby lovin' thing, and I'm all worried about my next blog identity.
This blog is, and has always been, called "I am what I am." Nothing more, nothing less. So, you can watch for more posts from me simply being that--what I am. I complain, I laugh, I love, I study, I read, I watch tv, I veg out on Facebook, I read blogs, I write, I learn, I practice..... I do a lot. And I want to share it with you. So, read on :-)
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Ahhh...a reunion with my blog
Maybe it's the weather...maybe it's extreme writer's block...maybe I'm just feeling less than stellar....Whatever the reason, I haven't written anything in FOREVER. No blogging, no fiction, not even a Christmas letter to my loved ones.
And, I need to get back to it. I hate it when I stop writing and then a ton of stuff happens--there has been a lot--but then I don't know where to begin.
That's where I'm at now.
So, I'll just begin with yesterday's absolutely amazing, incredible SNOW DAY!!!!!! It was bliss. Sleeping in, reading my book, doing laundry, and then in the afternoon I dug myself out to go to Von Maur to buy three adorable dresses. Yeah, there was a brilliant sale.
Tomorrow is Friday--yay--and then it's one week down into the new trimester. So far so good...and my yoga practice is getting back. Come to think of it, I haven't been writing pretty much during the same timeframe that I haven't been able to do yoga.... must explore that possibility.
And, so, here ends my post of mundane-ness. I'll try to come up with something better for tomorrow, I promise.
And, I need to get back to it. I hate it when I stop writing and then a ton of stuff happens--there has been a lot--but then I don't know where to begin.
That's where I'm at now.
So, I'll just begin with yesterday's absolutely amazing, incredible SNOW DAY!!!!!! It was bliss. Sleeping in, reading my book, doing laundry, and then in the afternoon I dug myself out to go to Von Maur to buy three adorable dresses. Yeah, there was a brilliant sale.
Tomorrow is Friday--yay--and then it's one week down into the new trimester. So far so good...and my yoga practice is getting back. Come to think of it, I haven't been writing pretty much during the same timeframe that I haven't been able to do yoga.... must explore that possibility.
And, so, here ends my post of mundane-ness. I'll try to come up with something better for tomorrow, I promise.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Whooohoooo--I'm online, baby!
The editors of Bellevue Literary Review chose my story for one of the selections listed on their website!! Yippee!!! And, I'm the first listed! :-) Yeah, I'm giddy, and I have no idea how they choose the stories but I consider it the absolute highest compliment *ever* that they put me as one of the selections.
Check out my story HERE!!
And then, when you've loved my story, go out and buy the journal and read the rest of the works, both because it's a fabulous issue and because it's totally cool to support literary journals.
Check out my story HERE!!
And then, when you've loved my story, go out and buy the journal and read the rest of the works, both because it's a fabulous issue and because it's totally cool to support literary journals.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
It's official!
"To The River" has been introduced to the world. My baby, which began as a writing exercise in a writing group, has gone through its paces and is now primed and ready to meet you, dear reader. I am so, so proud of myself, and so, so thankful to ALL of the people that had a hand in this story coming to fruition.
Bellevue Literary Review, Fall 2009
This image took just over five years to create. Pretty, isn't it?
Bellevue Literary Review, Fall 2009
This image took just over five years to create. Pretty, isn't it?
Friday, August 28, 2009
My week:
A baby bird--sparrow, robin, you pick--is hanging out in its nest really happy and comforted. Mom is away grabbing food, squawking at other birds, you pick. While Mom is away, another bird visits and says "Hey, Baby Bird, your mom has moved to a different nest. Sorry about that." Another well-intentioned Momma Bird brings some food so Baby Bird won't go hungry. And Baby Bird eats, but the food tastes like crap because it's not Mom's food. The other Momma Bird doesn't know that Baby Bird likes her worms cut up diagonally, kind of chewed up first, and served in a very specific way. And Baby Bird cries because she knows that she'll never get her worms fed to her in quite the same way as Mom fed them to her ever again.
Baby Bird doesn't know if she should stay in this Nest of Betrayal or jump out and try to find her Mom's new nest. Mom isn't dead, thank goodness, she's just inaccessible. But Baby Bird stands at the edge of the nest and it's a loooooooooooong way down. And she knows that she needs to stay where she is. So she lays at the edge of the nest and she cries and cries and cries, for days. She sends a Friend Bird with a message to her Mom. "Why did you leave?" And she waits, and she cries, and she waits and cries. Other birds watch and shake their little bird heads. They don't get it--their Moms flew away and they're fine, it's how the natural order of things works, after all!
And then, Friend Bird comes with a message from Mom! Baby Bird chirps and chirps and chirps, Mom didn't leave...she got kicked out of the nest too. But it's all okay, Mom says, because soon Baby Bird will be grown up enough to leave the nest and when she is, they can get together for, you know, worm-coffee and worm-cocktails. And though nothing will be the same, it's not the ending that Baby Bird thought it would be. And Baby Bird is so happy...still sad in the loss of what was--but, as the other birds have said, it's the natural order. Things change, and Baby Bird can fight it or learn to accept it.
So Baby Bird spends a little more time on the edge of the nest--but now she's looking out rather than down. She knows eventually she'll need to jump, and she better know the lay of the land before she flies away.
Baby Bird doesn't know if she should stay in this Nest of Betrayal or jump out and try to find her Mom's new nest. Mom isn't dead, thank goodness, she's just inaccessible. But Baby Bird stands at the edge of the nest and it's a loooooooooooong way down. And she knows that she needs to stay where she is. So she lays at the edge of the nest and she cries and cries and cries, for days. She sends a Friend Bird with a message to her Mom. "Why did you leave?" And she waits, and she cries, and she waits and cries. Other birds watch and shake their little bird heads. They don't get it--their Moms flew away and they're fine, it's how the natural order of things works, after all!
And then, Friend Bird comes with a message from Mom! Baby Bird chirps and chirps and chirps, Mom didn't leave...she got kicked out of the nest too. But it's all okay, Mom says, because soon Baby Bird will be grown up enough to leave the nest and when she is, they can get together for, you know, worm-coffee and worm-cocktails. And though nothing will be the same, it's not the ending that Baby Bird thought it would be. And Baby Bird is so happy...still sad in the loss of what was--but, as the other birds have said, it's the natural order. Things change, and Baby Bird can fight it or learn to accept it.
So Baby Bird spends a little more time on the edge of the nest--but now she's looking out rather than down. She knows eventually she'll need to jump, and she better know the lay of the land before she flies away.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Dude, it's finally happening...
A year ago, I wrote the following on MinnesotaReads:
If your favorite author came to Minnesota, who would it be and what bar would you take him/her to?
If Stephen King came to Minnesota, after I picked myself up off of the floor and reassembled myself into a solid, I would bring him to Stella’s Fish Cafe in Minneapolis. Good food (though he’d probably scorn our “fresh” lobster) and a great view of the skyline. King is, of course, familiar with the Twin Cities, so he may have his own ideas on where he’d like to go!
Jodi has just informed me that my hero, my inspiration, and someone I'm sure I could never actually meet because I would have a stroke, anurysm, heart attack, complete freakout and die before I could shake his hand IS COMING TO MINNESOTA.
I'm dying. Surely this is me, dying.
If your favorite author came to Minnesota, who would it be and what bar would you take him/her to?
If Stephen King came to Minnesota, after I picked myself up off of the floor and reassembled myself into a solid, I would bring him to Stella’s Fish Cafe in Minneapolis. Good food (though he’d probably scorn our “fresh” lobster) and a great view of the skyline. King is, of course, familiar with the Twin Cities, so he may have his own ideas on where he’d like to go!
Jodi has just informed me that my hero, my inspiration, and someone I'm sure I could never actually meet because I would have a stroke, anurysm, heart attack, complete freakout and die before I could shake his hand IS COMING TO MINNESOTA.
I'm dying. Surely this is me, dying.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Never have Christ and I been mentioned so many times in the same sentence.
Three days ago I celebrated my 33rd birthday. It was exactly the way I wanted it to be--spent the day doing various enjoyable activities: lunch with Erica, teaching summer school, etc. I did not do yoga or take a nap, but, well, there are only 24 hours in a day.
Last night I had a party, where a lengthy conversation took place about Jesus Christ, and how he was crucified when he was 33 years old. I knew this already, largely because of my Catholic friend Jessie who told me this detail on her 33rd birthday. My hope is that my year turns out better than his did. Seriously.
So, here's to 33: brought in with a good solid whibang (not a whimper, not a bang)...may it be an absolutely outstanding year full of more publications, more yoga, and more teaching. And, maybe, just MAYBE, I'll figure out where and how I want to spend my 34th year.
Last night I had a party, where a lengthy conversation took place about Jesus Christ, and how he was crucified when he was 33 years old. I knew this already, largely because of my Catholic friend Jessie who told me this detail on her 33rd birthday. My hope is that my year turns out better than his did. Seriously.
So, here's to 33: brought in with a good solid whibang (not a whimper, not a bang)...may it be an absolutely outstanding year full of more publications, more yoga, and more teaching. And, maybe, just MAYBE, I'll figure out where and how I want to spend my 34th year.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Hanging it up for the week
Momma needs a vacation. The last few weeks of school have been unspeakably irritating, and it's not likely to get better until June 11th. So, I'm taking tomorrow half off (at 11am) and Friday all off. Monday is Memorial Day, which gives me, as near as I can tell, four and a half days of vacation. That makes me happy. I need to finish my edits for "To The River" and grade an obscene amount of papers/assignment, and clean the house, and practice yoga, and practice teach....but I'll be able to do it all (mostly) within the confines of Casa Me, and that pleases me beyond anything.
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Too Legit to Quit (hey, hey!)
In the midst of my non-stop yoga, teaching, yoga teaching, and, uh, yoga, I still fancy myself a writer. Not a "real" writer, mind you, since the last time I set pen to paper (or fingers to keys, rather) to spin a yarn was months ago. But, every day I run to my mailbox to look for any news from publishers on my submitted stories.
Last night I was checking my email and saw a note from a woman named Suzanne with the subject line "To the River", and I click on it to see which journal I can mark "rejected" by. Not because I don't love my story or think I'm a good writer, but because that's how it works in the writing world--99 out of a hundred emails of that type are rejections.
Well, this was 1 in 100. Bellevue Literary Review is publishing my beloved story, "To the River" in their Fall '09 issue. "To the River" has a colorful history. I wrote it five years ago for a class at the Loft, and worked and worked on a billion drafts. It traveled to Zoetrope: All Story in California to be accepted by Editor Michael Ray for the Belize Writer's Conference in the fall of 2005, where both George Saunders and Charlie D'Ambrosio offered their opinions on it. I submitted it and it was summarily rejected by about a dozen places. Then I put it away for a few years.
I took it out last year because I needed a strong story for a workshop...something that I thought was finished but wasn't making the grade. I took it out because it's my favorite story that I've written. It was my first "real" story...the one I wrote after I dusted off the pipes on a number of lesser yarns. I wanted it to be my first published story as well. It's kind of my literary baby. (Writers know what I'm talking about here...the rest of you, I assure you I'm not weird...at least in this regard.)
And now, a published writer, I feel more legitimate as a writer. I won't say I feel like a "real" writer, because I don't think that publication creates the writer. But, did I feel different waking up this morning? Yeah, I actually did. Perhaps it's because Bellevue proved me wrong--that in my own mind I had set that I would never be published. Sadly, I think that's true. I'd even thought about giving up writing (maybe I unofficially had given it up, at least in the last few months) for more successful endeavors.
I'm so proud of myself. I love this story and I'm so happy that I believed in it enough to send it out again to find the right reader, the right journal.
Last night I was checking my email and saw a note from a woman named Suzanne with the subject line "To the River", and I click on it to see which journal I can mark "rejected" by. Not because I don't love my story or think I'm a good writer, but because that's how it works in the writing world--99 out of a hundred emails of that type are rejections.
Well, this was 1 in 100. Bellevue Literary Review is publishing my beloved story, "To the River" in their Fall '09 issue. "To the River" has a colorful history. I wrote it five years ago for a class at the Loft, and worked and worked on a billion drafts. It traveled to Zoetrope: All Story in California to be accepted by Editor Michael Ray for the Belize Writer's Conference in the fall of 2005, where both George Saunders and Charlie D'Ambrosio offered their opinions on it. I submitted it and it was summarily rejected by about a dozen places. Then I put it away for a few years.
I took it out last year because I needed a strong story for a workshop...something that I thought was finished but wasn't making the grade. I took it out because it's my favorite story that I've written. It was my first "real" story...the one I wrote after I dusted off the pipes on a number of lesser yarns. I wanted it to be my first published story as well. It's kind of my literary baby. (Writers know what I'm talking about here...the rest of you, I assure you I'm not weird...at least in this regard.)
And now, a published writer, I feel more legitimate as a writer. I won't say I feel like a "real" writer, because I don't think that publication creates the writer. But, did I feel different waking up this morning? Yeah, I actually did. Perhaps it's because Bellevue proved me wrong--that in my own mind I had set that I would never be published. Sadly, I think that's true. I'd even thought about giving up writing (maybe I unofficially had given it up, at least in the last few months) for more successful endeavors.
I'm so proud of myself. I love this story and I'm so happy that I believed in it enough to send it out again to find the right reader, the right journal.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
The difference a year makes...
Last year at approximately this time, my biggest concern was whether or not I should apply to the Mentor Series. This year, I have no idea when the deadline is, if it's passed, who the mentors are... it's so far off my radar I can't believe I ever cared.
This year my focus is on yoga. And because I am, apparently, somewhat myopic in my behaviors, I'm shutting out other aspects of life (like writing) as I did other aspects when I was focused on my writing. Today I worked my mentor, the amazing Becka, for the first time. She was one of the leaders for teacher training and I admire the hell out of her. I'm in the Extensions program for CorePower for the next eight weeks. Seem like I just finished eight weeks of CorePower training? I did! And frankly, the two weeks I was between trainings I felt a little lost.
So, I'm back home in yoga country! And I'll get my writing back...I've got work submitted and I'm still relatively within the goals I set for the new year. But, always, working toward a balance is a good thing........
This year my focus is on yoga. And because I am, apparently, somewhat myopic in my behaviors, I'm shutting out other aspects of life (like writing) as I did other aspects when I was focused on my writing. Today I worked my mentor, the amazing Becka, for the first time. She was one of the leaders for teacher training and I admire the hell out of her. I'm in the Extensions program for CorePower for the next eight weeks. Seem like I just finished eight weeks of CorePower training? I did! And frankly, the two weeks I was between trainings I felt a little lost.
So, I'm back home in yoga country! And I'll get my writing back...I've got work submitted and I'm still relatively within the goals I set for the new year. But, always, working toward a balance is a good thing........
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Where to go, what to do?
Could someone please tell me what I want to do when I grow up? Because clearly I don't know. I want to:
--teach yoga
--teach English
--teach at the new alternative school
--be a writer
--be a funeral director
I can't do them all. But, I can't figure out which one I want to do more than any of the others. I'm standing on a hub with five spokes around me and I can only do one, really. I mean, I can teach yoga and teach English, or teach yoga and be a writer, but I want to do them all full time.
I know I've been working toward goals, but I'm at that stage where I've got fifty irons in the fire and they're all burning crispy because I can't tend to them properly. I'm all over the place, and that's not a good place to be.
So, tell me. What do I do? Which path do I persue?
--teach yoga
--teach English
--teach at the new alternative school
--be a writer
--be a funeral director
I can't do them all. But, I can't figure out which one I want to do more than any of the others. I'm standing on a hub with five spokes around me and I can only do one, really. I mean, I can teach yoga and teach English, or teach yoga and be a writer, but I want to do them all full time.
I know I've been working toward goals, but I'm at that stage where I've got fifty irons in the fire and they're all burning crispy because I can't tend to them properly. I'm all over the place, and that's not a good place to be.
So, tell me. What do I do? Which path do I persue?
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
*drool*
I'll get you all caught up on my life--primarily devoted to yoga at this time--in a bit. For now, I need to devote my full attention to the man whom I have loved for so long: Mr. Stephen King. Though I Am Who I Am's address is devoted to him, I've noticed a surprising lack of King-ness on my blog. This must change. So, for my first official act of on-line Kingdom, I'm going to strongly recommend you visit
The Stephen King Store, located on CafePress. Kids, I pert-near lost my stars when I saw all of the 'Constant Reader' regalia I can get. If you're looking for gift ideas for me, I'm a medium. And I love everything on that page. Except I probably don't need the bib or the infant bodysuit. Actually, the bib might not be a bad idea, considering I'm sitting her salivating all over the place....
There are shirts and journals and notebooks (oh my!), messenger bags, mouse pads, and pillows and a BBQ APRON! There's no end to the joy!
And the best part is that King is not receiving any profit from the sale of this merchandise. All profits go to The Haven Foundation, an organization that focuses singularly on freelance artists. This organization is near and dear to King's heart since the accident on June 19, 1999 that nearly killed him.
So, go shopping already!!
The Stephen King Store, located on CafePress. Kids, I pert-near lost my stars when I saw all of the 'Constant Reader' regalia I can get. If you're looking for gift ideas for me, I'm a medium. And I love everything on that page. Except I probably don't need the bib or the infant bodysuit. Actually, the bib might not be a bad idea, considering I'm sitting her salivating all over the place....
There are shirts and journals and notebooks (oh my!), messenger bags, mouse pads, and pillows and a BBQ APRON! There's no end to the joy!
And the best part is that King is not receiving any profit from the sale of this merchandise. All profits go to The Haven Foundation, an organization that focuses singularly on freelance artists. This organization is near and dear to King's heart since the accident on June 19, 1999 that nearly killed him.
So, go shopping already!!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Tonight I shall watch 'The Witches of Eastwick'
John Updike died today. While I'm not a cult-follower of his work, you've gotta respect a guy who won two Pulitzers. Plus, like, a billion other writing awards. And he still died relatively young. RIP, Mr. Updike.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Book Plan 2009
This year's book plan is based on type rather than on quantity. It's impossible for me to do "fifty books in a year" as I've done in the past, or "a hundred stories in a year" as I attempted to do last year (and failed miserably). I've decided that, though I am a short story writer and this is amajor flaw/weakness in my writerly character, I do not gravitate toward the short story. I just don't, and I try to force myself every so often and it's a disaster. That's not to say I don't love certain short stories--I do--but they're not my bread and butter. Novels are--always have been and always will be. Maybe that means I should write novels. Anyway, I digress...
This year's book plan is to read books that have had movies based on them. The release of 'Revolutionary Road' and 'Benjamin Button' and 'The Reader' all started me thinking about how I could incorporate those books into my annual plan and as I started to look around for other books that have movies based on them, I was...well...stunned by the sheer amount of them. I'll of course include short stories like 'Benjaman Button' and '3:10 to Yuma'...pretty much whatever I can get my hands on.
I'm not setting a number, but I am going to make sure I watch the movie also. I've got a list going but would love to hear suggestions on books I should read--so post in the comments if you've got any favorite books that have become movies (of any time period--don't think I'm not going to be reading 'Age of Innocence' this year!!)
This year's book plan is to read books that have had movies based on them. The release of 'Revolutionary Road' and 'Benjamin Button' and 'The Reader' all started me thinking about how I could incorporate those books into my annual plan and as I started to look around for other books that have movies based on them, I was...well...stunned by the sheer amount of them. I'll of course include short stories like 'Benjaman Button' and '3:10 to Yuma'...pretty much whatever I can get my hands on.
I'm not setting a number, but I am going to make sure I watch the movie also. I've got a list going but would love to hear suggestions on books I should read--so post in the comments if you've got any favorite books that have become movies (of any time period--don't think I'm not going to be reading 'Age of Innocence' this year!!)
Friday, January 02, 2009
Wreck This Journal--a challange for writers and bibliophiles
Okay, kids...can you do it?
Can you, as a lover of books and the written word, and probably an avid journalist who has kept a diary/journal since childhood and laments those that have been lost in transition, buy this journal? A journal that is meant to be trashed, wrecked, consumed?
It may be the ultimate exercise in creativity.
Can you, as a lover of books and the written word, and probably an avid journalist who has kept a diary/journal since childhood and laments those that have been lost in transition, buy this journal? A journal that is meant to be trashed, wrecked, consumed?
It may be the ultimate exercise in creativity.
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Happy New Year...and keeping myself accountable
Welcome to 2009! So far, so good...at least from my end of things.
Every year I struggle with resolutions, so this year I'm putting them out there publicly. Feel free to call me on my behavior if I drop the ball on these at any time. In fact, I think a little policing might do me a world of good.
I've broken up my resolutions into two categories: personal and writing. I want (read: desperately need) to get back into a writing routine, so I'm really going to push that this year. But, I'm going to do it differently than I have in the past--no writing classes. This year it's all about actually writing and getting the shit sent out.
Personal resolutions:
1. Do not spend more than I earn
2. Keep house clean
3. Complete yoga teacher training
4. Make a decision about mortuary science (apply this year or next?)
5. Run at least three times a week
6. Run a half-marathon
7. Do yoga five times a week
8. Once a month, fill at least one bag to give to charity or consignment
9. Keep my weight where it is--maximum
Writing resolutions:
1. Send out five submissions a month
2. Write one story a month
3. Journal at least three times a week (in a hard copy--not blogging...though I'll blog like a fiend
in 2009!)
4. Read six books on craft
5. Read 26 books (either fiction or non-fiction...this will lead into Book Plan 2009)
Sounds like a lot, right? But that's okay...I can totally do it.
Every year I struggle with resolutions, so this year I'm putting them out there publicly. Feel free to call me on my behavior if I drop the ball on these at any time. In fact, I think a little policing might do me a world of good.
I've broken up my resolutions into two categories: personal and writing. I want (read: desperately need) to get back into a writing routine, so I'm really going to push that this year. But, I'm going to do it differently than I have in the past--no writing classes. This year it's all about actually writing and getting the shit sent out.
Personal resolutions:
1. Do not spend more than I earn
2. Keep house clean
3. Complete yoga teacher training
4. Make a decision about mortuary science (apply this year or next?)
5. Run at least three times a week
6. Run a half-marathon
7. Do yoga five times a week
8. Once a month, fill at least one bag to give to charity or consignment
9. Keep my weight where it is--maximum
Writing resolutions:
1. Send out five submissions a month
2. Write one story a month
3. Journal at least three times a week (in a hard copy--not blogging...though I'll blog like a fiend
in 2009!)
4. Read six books on craft
5. Read 26 books (either fiction or non-fiction...this will lead into Book Plan 2009)
Sounds like a lot, right? But that's okay...I can totally do it.
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Maybe it's the meaning...
...that I'm lacking. In life. I'm sitting here watching Project Runway and watching the designers in "do or die" situations, with the tears and the passion and the "I MUST DO THIS" attitude. And I wonder if I'm in a spot right now, and if this is my problem, that I don't have my own Project Runway. I don't have a prize to eye, Bryant Park, or a challenge to win, or anyone to impress, or anything that I'm really working for that matters. I go to work, I teach, and I go home. What kind of an impact am I making on the world that someone else couldn't make? What am I doing that a million other teachers aren't doing? Nothing.
The part of me where I had the chance to really stand out, to be award winning and fantastic and grab life by the balls and say "I MUST DO THIS" was my writing. And I tossed that aside. It's hard to take my life and look at it and say that I have turned out just like everyone else. I'm not original, I'm not promising, and if I were to die tomorrow, I wouldn't be remembered for anything besides "Oh yeah, I knew her."
I don't feel good about that.
I need to find a way to challenge myself. To reach out and find something that isn't in my comfort zone--something that will make me sweat a little. I need to give this some thought.
The part of me where I had the chance to really stand out, to be award winning and fantastic and grab life by the balls and say "I MUST DO THIS" was my writing. And I tossed that aside. It's hard to take my life and look at it and say that I have turned out just like everyone else. I'm not original, I'm not promising, and if I were to die tomorrow, I wouldn't be remembered for anything besides "Oh yeah, I knew her."
I don't feel good about that.
I need to find a way to challenge myself. To reach out and find something that isn't in my comfort zone--something that will make me sweat a little. I need to give this some thought.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Saturday morning yoga meets MFA
Saturday morning yoga has become my new favorite part of the week. I have to drive a bit--about twenty miles--but it's totally worth it. Teacher Rita is absolutely awesome and I feel like I learn as much from her as I did from Molly when I was first starting out. She compliments me right in the middle of class in front of everybody (the first time I almost turned around and said "Thanks!" until I remembered where I was...yikes) and gives great adjustments that really help me push to the next level of my practice.
I've discovered that I don't push myself as much as I can. For whatever reason--self-preservation, laziness, etc--I'll go to where I think is my max. Then Rita (or Nielle...she's awesome too) will come over and touch my back, leg, whatever, or give a verbal cue, and suddenly I'm bent forward another inch, or twisted another quarter inch. It's kind of weird, but I think indicative of how I am as a person--I can only go so far by myself and I am definitely dependent on other people I trust to help me get where I need to go.
I spend between 5-8 hours a week practicing yoga. My writing has been suffering lately something fierce, and I wonder if I spent an hour a day writing with a "yoga writing teacher" how much better I would be. I write every day. BUT, I know that if I did an hour of yoga a day on my own rather than with a teacher I wouldn't be nearly where I am with my yoga practice. So, maybe I do belong in an MFA program. Maybe I do need writing teachers...not to teach me the elements, or to teach me how to workshop, but to be a guide in my writing practice just as Rita and Nielle are in my yoga practice.
All I know is I'm so much better at yoga than at anything else I do, and it's because I practice it an hour a day. There are only a certain number of hours in the day, and I'm sort of fascinated that I picked yoga over writing. There's something in that, I think...I just don't totally have a grasp on it yet.
I've discovered that I don't push myself as much as I can. For whatever reason--self-preservation, laziness, etc--I'll go to where I think is my max. Then Rita (or Nielle...she's awesome too) will come over and touch my back, leg, whatever, or give a verbal cue, and suddenly I'm bent forward another inch, or twisted another quarter inch. It's kind of weird, but I think indicative of how I am as a person--I can only go so far by myself and I am definitely dependent on other people I trust to help me get where I need to go.
I spend between 5-8 hours a week practicing yoga. My writing has been suffering lately something fierce, and I wonder if I spent an hour a day writing with a "yoga writing teacher" how much better I would be. I write every day. BUT, I know that if I did an hour of yoga a day on my own rather than with a teacher I wouldn't be nearly where I am with my yoga practice. So, maybe I do belong in an MFA program. Maybe I do need writing teachers...not to teach me the elements, or to teach me how to workshop, but to be a guide in my writing practice just as Rita and Nielle are in my yoga practice.
All I know is I'm so much better at yoga than at anything else I do, and it's because I practice it an hour a day. There are only a certain number of hours in the day, and I'm sort of fascinated that I picked yoga over writing. There's something in that, I think...I just don't totally have a grasp on it yet.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)