What 788 books looks like...

Operation: Top 50% is still in full swing, even though I haven't updated in the past few days. I finished my kitchen (pics forthcoming) and am absolutely loving it.
My books, however, are a different story entirely. Here are my 788 books:


And:
It doesn't seem like it would be hard to get rid of half of that mess. Considering that I culled about six boxes of books about 2 years ago and never even missed them--or noticed the difference on my shelves--I should be entering this phase of Operation: Top 50% with confidence and hope.

I'm not. I've gone to the shelves no fewer than 6 times, pulled a book off the shelf, gotten a tight feeling in my stomach, and put it back. This is going to be harder than it seems.

First, I have to let go of far more than just the physical books. I have to let go of the part of myself that really wants to be a high-brow reader. I'm an educated, intelligent woman, teacher, and writer. I should want to love Richard Ford, Raymond Carver, and a whole host of other writers that I've learned by hanging out with other writers are writers I should be loving. (Read it again, it makes sense, promise.) I need to let go of the fact that I would rather hold onto my Janet Evanovich books than my short story anthologies, because I've read Evanovich and those books make me happy. When I look at my short story anthologies, I feel that sense of failure--things I should be reading but just can't. Letting go of my Raymond Carver books (or my Anthony Doerr, or my Mary Gaitskill, or my whoever) isn't just letting go of the books...it's letting go of a part of my personality I really wanted to cultivate (again, in my twenties) and never quite managed.

It's hard. The biggest thing this project has shown me is that I'm not just saying goodbye to stuff, to objects. That's the easy part. What's hard is coming to terms with the fact that I am not the person I ever thought I would be. That's not a bad thing--I'm very happy with who I am. And, I suspect once I buff off all of the muck and shine myself up, I'll be even happier.

The other, less esoteric, question is, do I keep books I've read and loved over books I think I'll like but haven't read? I used to re-read books all the time. I read Misery by my lover Stephen King over 20 times in a row...finished the last page, turned back to the first and started again. But, as I've grown up and widened my reading circles, I don't remember the last time I re-read a book. Who has the time? There are so many amazing books out there! But....well...I may have just answered my own question. Though it pains me.

The other thing is, books aren't photographs. They aren't precious heirlooms (for the most part). If I get rid of Janet Evanovich and suddenly am struck down by the overwhelming-can't-be-quelled-urge to read One for the Money , I can go out and buy it. Books are very, very replaceable. (Note: I'm not talking about first editions, signed copies, etc. That collection sits in its own special case and is not counted in my 788 total. Please.)

Lots to think about...but the truth is, my books are choking me. I've tied so much into them--into the titles, the authors, the physical appearance of so many books on my shelves...it's not good. This will be a huge leap forward with Operation: Top 50%, and it needs to be done.

Deep breath...

Okay, the next plan of attack with Operation: 50% is my books. I counted today...excluding textbooks for my current classes, my Norton anthologies, and my first editions/signed/valuable books, I have 788 books. Eeeks.

Now, to be fair, I'm an English teacher. And a writer. Every job I do revolves around the written word. Plus, I love to read and I'm also, as you may or may not know, somewhat enamored with Stephen King. All of these elements have led to me becoming something of a book hoarder.

So, I need to get rid of 394 books. This will be both easier and harder than my clothes...easier because the emotional attachment isn't as strong, but harder because while the "ohh, I might wear this someday!" is weak compared to my "ohhh, I might read this someday!!"

The goal is to have it done this weekend. I'm nervous.

The bedroom is finished! Some lessons and the updated plan...

Beautiful, isn't it?

This is the meditation space I was able to create from finally removing 50% of my clothing from my bedroom. It's funny--right now the room looks very uneven--half is clean and minimalist, the other is still cluttered from other non-clothing "stuff". Though I will not be going through the rest of the bedroom in 50% mode, I will be removing everything that doesn't belong in the bedroom (books, writing stuff, dog stuff, etc.) and putting it all with its companions for 50%-ing.

So what did I learn from going through my clothes?

1. My clothing is the biggest illustration that I spent most of my 20s trying to figure out who I wanted to be when I grew up.

2. I think I've figured out who I am, but it's hard to tell because I've held onto all that experimental 20s clutter for, well, four years too long.

3. Everything is replaceable.

Based on the lag time from where I started my clothes to when I actually finished them (almost a month!!), I decided I need to put an endpoint/deadline on this little project of mine. So, my deadline is one year from when I began: July 30, 2011. If I finish earlier (which I would love to do) great. But, I will close this journey out in no more than one year's time.

It's possible--probable--that I'll be moving into a new house before that deadline. It's my hope that the move will accelerate the cleanse.

And, in other news, I am so digging on cucumber water. Refreshing, yummy, mmmmmmm.

The closet is done--for real this time!

After my first trip through the closet (pics to be posted at a later time), I finished exhausted and nauseated. The pile of clothes I was supposed to get rid of was so huge, the keep pile so small, I felt like I was getting rid of 75% and keeping 25%. Big bummer. That was three weeks ago.

Since then, I've still managed to clothe myself every day. I haven't once had to dig back through the "cleanse" pile. And, as I was putting things away, I came across clothes that I knew I could get rid of. When I first started the cleanse the first time, 213 things seemed like A LOT, so I wasn't as strict in the first 100 items. Hindsight being what it is, I knew I'd need to go through the whole lot a second time.

For whatever reason, this time I counted 416 items (rather than 426), meaning I probably miscounted the first time. So, I could keep 208. And.....I'm there!! :-)

Like I said, I'll post some pics of the before and after. Next I'll be moving through my purses...then it's on to the kitchen!

Haven't forgotten...

I haven't pushed forward on Operation: 50%, but I haven't had any backslide either. Yay. I need a day--afternoon and evening would be perfect--where I can hammer out my clothes once and for all. Then, I'll move to the kitchen. I've got the plan all laid out, but, as usual, hardly any time to execute it. Boo.

In other news...I'm in the works to pick up a new yoga class and will be letting one go. This is a struggle, but I need to have a day off during the week, so I either need to let go of my beloved C1 on Sunday mornings (my first CorePower class) or my C2 on Saturday mornings. Hmmm... I love them both. This is where the yoga becomes kind of difficult--letting go, for reals.

Cleaning out my closets, v. 2.0

I've decided that I need to start over with my clothing cleanse, part of Operation: 50%. I've been angsty about this all week for no good reason. Every time I wake up I look into my closet, say "ugh, there's nothing in here" and cast a longing glance toward my overflowing "cleanse" pile and sigh. I then, mind you, proceed to get dressed. Yep, that's right--in spite of having "nothing" in my closet, I haven't gone naked even one day this week. I think, though I'm not sure I want to admit it, that means I did it right the first time.

But, just to be safe, I'm going to redo the clothing cleanse. When I first went through, I don't think I prioritized quite correctly. Also, though it will be difficult, I think I need to have all of my laundry done so that I'm not trying to count (and keep) clothes that are only in my mind and not on the bed (where I do my sorting).

I'll start tomorrow, exactly one week after I started the last time. Tonight is do-the-laundry night.

Wish me luck...I'm going into battle here and the only survivors will be 213 pieces of clothing, Gatsby, and, hopefully, me.

Billionaire 50%ers

So on the news tonight they talked about Bill Gates and Warren Buffet pledging (and challenging other billionaires) to donate half of their wealth to charity!

40 Billionaires Pledge to Donate Half Their Wealth

Good to know I'm not alone ;-)

The trouble with minimizing...

Okay...I'm still working on reducing my clothes as part of Operation: 50%. Tonight I decided to go through my "keep" stuff and start putting it away. (Everything has been in stacks in my bedroom since Sunday.) The "cleanse" pile--the stuff I'm getting rid of--is the biggest pile (I've ever seen in my life) and is near my door. I have a smallish pile--about 15 things--that I really want to keep, and I figured if I went through the big "keep" pile that I may find some things I could get rid of. The result is that I have a huge mess on my hands and I'm really not sure if I'm at my maximum 213 items or not. I need to put it all away, wash the clothes I've used this week, and then do a formal count again to make sure I'm at my max 50%.

Here are the thoughts I'm having as I go through things:

1. This is really pretty. I love this. I never wear it, but I really like it.

2. Why am I doing this? What's the reward for getting rid of 50% of my stuff? Less stuff? Who wants that?!

3. I have to be REALLY CAREFUL that my first action when I finish this project of mine is to not go out and buy a bunch of new stuff.

4. Why 50%? Why not 25%? Wouldn't that be better? I mean...half is a LOT. It's...like...half.

5. Which still leaves me with a lot of stuff. I mean, what I'm saying here is that 213 pieces of clothing isn't enough for me. Seriously? And I'm not even including socks/underwear in that.

6. I wonder if it was a wrong decision to include my yoga clothes and running clothes in the total. But why? I've been known to wear yoga clothes to school... if I want to use the argument that those clothes are so exclusive they can only be worn during certain events, well...that actually applies to a lot of my clothes. I don't wear my funeral home suits anywhere but the funeral home, but I still counted them. Granted, if I didn't count the yoga clothes, the running clothes or the suits (or, while we're at it, my party dresses) in the total, I'd have another...hell...fifty items I could keep?

I think the point here is, I have to set rules I'm willing to abide by. No one is going to look over my shoulder and say "Ummm....I counted 214...put one back." Or gripe at me because I don't count my yoga clothes as part of the total. Part of the whole struggle is that I've set the guidelines myself, and I have only myself to answer to.

But, this is a work in progress. I haven't thrown anything away...if I need to modify the system, I'll do so. The point is to end up feeling better, lighter, not regretful and angry. Maybe I reduce clothing by 25% first, then do another 25% later. I have a lot of options...

Ahh...summer vacation...

In the midst of grad classes and teaching summer school and teaching yoga, once in awhile, I'm able to put all of my obligations aside and fully enjoy a summer day.

Yesterday BFF Erica and I went to the pool in the morning, a movie in the afternoon (The Kids Are All Right...*extraordinary* movie), then shopping, then out for cocktails, then to the bookstore, then to Trader Joe's. Ten hours flew by faster than either of us imagined possible, and when I got home--at 8pm--I was exhausted. (And sunburned..ouchy.)

A few years ago, that description would have applied to every summer day. But, Erica and I have both moved on with a little separation between us. We scheduled yesterday almost a month ago. The nice thing is, we're equally busy, so neither of us feels abandoned, and we both, as we discussed yesterday, are confident enough in our friendship that we don't need to see each other all the time. It's nice to know that we can pick up right where we left off. Friends like that are rare and good to have. I'm very fortunate to have several of them in my life.

How did the shopping and bookstore figure into Operation: 50%? Well...I bought stuff. But, I didn't buy any clothes (I had decided that if I did buy any clothes they would need to replace something in my "keep" pile...that kept me from buying anything.) or shoes. I bought underwear--which I hadn't gone through yet as part of the project.

And I bought 8 books. Well...technically 7 because I got one for my mom. But still...bought 7 books. They were all on my list of "books I want" and I got 9 books (one I bought for Erica) for less than $25. But, buying that many books will definitely contribute to a future problem of tackling my book collection with Operation: 50%.

50%? Really??

Tonight I tackled my clothes. The rules were:

--> Jackets, underwear and socks will be "50%ed" separately so they did not count
--> Sweaters that were borrowed from others and need to be returned do not count
--> Every item of clothing, even if dirty or being currently worn, counts

IT WAS HARD!!!!! It IS hard...since I'm not done. I started at 6pm and stopped at 9:30, and took two breaks in between. I started with a total count of 426 items, which meant I needed to get rid of 213 items. Right now, I'm at about 57% and I have to stop.

Why am I doing this? I grabbed a stack of 5 tank tops, threw them in the "cleanse" basket...and thought "Why am I doing this? What's the matter with having 40 tank tops?" *sigh* Welcome to my inner hoarder. I'm glad I'm struggling with this, though...growth comes from struggling and overcoming those obstacles that present themselves. If it was easy, I wouldn't get anything out of it.

And, I bet no one is going to come up to me and say "OMG, why don't you wear that one shirt anymore? It was your best shirt!" And if they do...well...I can probably go out and buy another one. Everything is replaceable.

Pictures to come when I finish this leg of the project...

50%: Shoes

Tonight I tackled my shoe collection. Much, much harder than Gatsby's toys. But, not as hard as I was expecting. When I first counted, I had 50 pairs.


It was easy to pick the shoes I definitely wanted to keep and the shoes I definitely wanted to get rid of. Where it got hard was where I had to decide which of the multiple pairs I have that I wanted to keep. For example, I have (well...had) five pairs of Havaianas in all different colors. What's a girl to do? I kept four. Don't judge me.

The only huge casualty besides the lone pair of green Havaianas I'm sure BFF Erica will happily take off my hands was my boots. I have (had) 3 pairs of boots...all different. I kept one pair. I'm still not totally sure about that choice. But, my safety in this whole process is that everything I "get rid of" is going to be boxed up and put in the garage until Spring. If I decide I can't live without the boots I can go get them--but then I'll have to give up another pair.

With the two projects I've done so far, I know I'm doing the right thing. Neither time did I look in horror and say "I have nothing left!" If anything, I was able to see what I DO have far more clearly. Twenty-five pairs of shoes is plenty...that's six pairs per season. And I'm a yogi for pete's sake--I spend half my life barefoot.

The "keep" pile:


The "cleanse" pile:


*I should point out for you counters in the crowd...I have two pairs of tennis shoes--one for running and one for fitness walking--that I did include in the 50 but did not include in my keep 25. I also designated two pairs as "chore" shoes (one flip-flops and the other slip-ons that will live in the garage, not my closet. So, I technically kept 29 pairs and got rid of 21. Just stayin' honest ;-)

Operation: Top 50%

Prior to Chicago, the last time I'd gone on vacation was two years ago (the infamous camping trip). So, that was the last time I was away from Casa Flanigan for a week's time. When I returned from Chicago, I walked into my house and was, immediately, suffocating. The first word that popped into my mind was "prison" (though now that seems a tad extreme). I went to bed.

On Monday night I wondered if I should get rid of some stuff. But here's the thing--I do that pretty often. It doesn't do any good. I knew I needed to do something drastic. I thought (and posted on Facebook accordingly) "how it would be if she got rid of 50% of what she owns..."

I immediately began to google. Surely other people have done this and blogged about it..I do very little in this life without either a handbook or some personal guidance. But, my search was fruitless. The closest I came was a nifty little book on Amazon about getting rid of 50 things. Guess I'm on my own.

So, last night I started. I originally planned to start with my clothes, but instead I started with Gatsby's toys. Much to his chagrin. Including his grooming supplies, medications (he's dainty), and toys, Gatsby "owns" 64 things. My job was to cut that down to 32 things.Here's what we started with. Notice Gatsby's paws in the upper right corner...he stayed quite close throughout this process.


Next, part way through the cleanse...Gatsby was getting a little irritated at this point.


Finally, the finished "keep" pile...


And the finished "cleanse" pile.


First cleansing: success! Mostly...I had to do 35 things instead of 32 because I just couldn't decide. I'll forgive myself that, though, since it was the first time.